When I miss my mom!!!

It happened a long time ago. Nothing in my mind has a clear picture of what & how it happened. But I still remember the incident because it was when I lost my mom.

In her last days, when she was being treated for breast cancer, she was a little irritated & angry most of the times & I was the same with her. I was focussing on my new career which I had just found in engineering. I was trying to make it good in studies in college. So I hold nothing of a matter to my family but was just focussing on the stuff in college.

Every time I try to remember her, I see her eyes hardly opening which was when I last visited her in the hospital. She was on a lot of drugs & she found it almost impossible to hold her eyes open. But at that instant I never realised that it is the last time I’m seeing her open her eyes & see me. Otherwise I would have just hold her in my arms & told her I love you. But I was an arrogant little boy back then who just wanted to get home & watch television. In her last days, she was in a lot of pain & I never got close to her & said that I cared for you. I still remember her face when she last tried to open her eyes to see me. Maybe she knew that it was the last time she was seeing me & she smiled to me but couldn’t say anything. But a fool like me never got the signal. It was just like another time I visited my mom in the hospital.

It was that day & this day. I still try to remember like she existed in this world. It seems like I never got to her soul. I’m actually forgetting what it was like to feel when she was holding me in her arms. From all I remember it was the moment of life when everything seemed to have stopped & all the problems of world which seemed endless at the time vanished into the air. I miss that motherly warmth. I still cry in the nights, try to remember what it was like to have her around. What it was like to hear her scold me, slap me a little bit, hold me for a lecture or two.

For whatever of the days we live for, days with the mother are the days we remember of love. None can ever love a boy like his mother.